Unleash Your Inner Shine

How to shake off life’s baggage and live from your authentic self!

Dedicated in loving memory to Audrey Lambert – my grandma, my best friend, and my angel.

By Jessica Tha Goddess

January 31, 2021

New Day

I used to dance in the mirror at home, sing horribly at the top of my lungs, workout, talk with friends, get excited about fashion, and love love love life.

I remember how happy the smell of fresh cut grass in the morning would make me. We lived in a small neighborhood called Allenbury Gardens and back then, every morning, the same man would jump in the same vehicle and drive through our hood cutting the grass. It smelled like a fresh, beautiful, new day and I loved it.

New People

I remember the excitement of meeting new people, everyone was so interesting, had something different to offer the world, and was a welcomed member of my friendship circle.

New Love

Back then it was exciting it was to have a new crush – or a new secret admirer. It was like – wow cute boys were everything – and I saw all the good in them.

New Adventures

Best of all, I remember how awesome new adventures with my brother Desi, my sisters, and my friends were. My friend Sherry would babysit at a new neighborhood and I would join to explore what this unexperienced community brought. Sonia and I would sneak off to the mall to see what we could see. Stacey and I would literally just blow with the wind loving the altitude and unpredictable experiences. Adventure hid around every corner and we were so up for it.

Adulting

Then I grew up. I had a precious baby boy who became my life. I became very aware of my own mortality and realized the only thing that could ever make me leave my perfect little angel was death.

New Fear

Being careful became my norm. For many years I thought my childhood issues were resolved but having a child of my own made the world feel so much more intense, and so much scarier.

Also my first love, who was also my son’s father, broke my heart. In the process I lost some of that blissful innocence that allowed me to blow in the wind so freely.

Lessons from Fear

• Be careful
• Be safe
• Trust no one
• Guard my heart
• Don’t let anyone too close
• Guard my child
• Stop taking risks
• Get serious about life

“What Does It Profit A Man”

Suddenly all of these issues that I could ignore before became very loud and difficult to distract myself from.

I just kept thinking “I don’t want anything to happen to me because I would never ever want to leave my son the way my mom left me.”

Diligently guarding my heart became habit for me. I chose relationships I knew would not work so I was safe from true intimacy. Letting anyone too close was no longer an option for me. I figured, what’s the point – people only hurt you anyway; and carried this attitude with me for years.

Gaining the World

At about age 21 I moved out of my childhood home and on my own. No longer under the protection of my grandma, and the watchful eye of my ‘hood’, I learned that the rest of the world was not as caring as the people I grew up with. I was used to everyone being so loving. New environments brought new lessons. It was pretty clear I was not in ‘Bury’ anymore (our version of Kansas). There was truly no place like home.

Fear was a dominant boss with a rule book bigger than the bible. New lessons were included:

• Keep your distance from men
• Be careful who your friends are
• Tread lightly socially and professionally
• Always question people’s intentions

Living the Dream

I went to college and university; and was dedicated to improving myself and my position in life.

Wanting to give my son a better life, I transitioned from front-line community work to corporate environments.

It felt like a transition from a caring, nurturing environment meant, to a dog-eat-dog system. Somehow I missed the memo. I learnt again, to question people and proceed with caution.

Hello Shell

While I went through the stress of navigating an increasingly complex world as I attempted to “make it”; I also was estranged from much of my core friends and family. They were working, and so was I. They were in relationships, and so was I – maybe, it depends when.

My relationships often pulled me further away from others. Men I attracted often needed me to be in the role of fixer, helper, healer, supporter role. I was almost never the one helped, fixed, supported, or healed.

After a while, I figured I could do better on my own.

Carving Out a Professional Home

I managed to climb to the top of my professional latter at a pretty young age. My next challenge was t consulting, coaching, and training. This allowed me to utilize my skills while also maintaining my independence, freedom, and autonomy.

As I grew my skills, life experiences, and corporate acclimation I learned that people always treated each other nicely in the beginning. After people spent a significant amount of time together, watercooler issues seeped in. My role as executive specialist allowed me to focus on delivering results and avoid office drama. I loved it.

Living in the Fast Lane

This fast-paced life was highly respected, lucrative, and the type of work I loved doing. It also kept me very busy.

Things that my grandma taught me growing up started to get squeezed out of my life new priorities. Working out every morning got pushed aside. Take out food replaced home cooked meals. Eating on the run replaced sit-down meals. Free time was a thing of the past.

I needed to run, run, run!

Wise Words from an Angel

“Slow down Jessie” my grandma would say. It was clear she had no idea what she was talking about.

Why couldn’t anyone understand that I was raising my son, and paying bills. I jumped and let go of the ‘safety net’ of the community housing I was raised in, and I joined the world of market rent. I needed to go, go, go.

My friends also took a lot of my time.

Grandma would say “who are all these people you are hanging around Jessie” and “will they be there for you when you need them?”

I thought my grandma was so silly. Of course my friends would be there for me. We have each other’s back. My grandma just didn’t understand our bond.

My grandma never gave up on trying to get through to me.

She would say:

• “Make time for who matters Jessie”
• “Don’t loose yourself Jessie”
• “It’s like you don’t know if you’re coming or going”
• “Don’t you ever get tired”
• “Just call once a week to check in with me that’s all I want”
• “I worry about you Jessie”
• “Focus on who matters most Jessie”
• “I just want to hear from you more often”
• “You will miss me when I am gone”
• “Do you even know who you are anymore Jessie, you’re in there somewhere, but you don’t act like it…”

I did not understand why my grandma complained. All this because I was running around?

I was a good person. Smoking was something I would not do. Drinking was something I barely did. My heart made sure that I checked on my grandma every time I could. As a proud independent woman I definitely I was making my own money, raising my son, and even graduated. Why was she complaining?

When Angels Get Their Wings

When I reflect on all of the little phrases, insight, and wisdom my grandma shared, it’s hard to believe that I foolishly acted like I didn’t have time to learn from her. As a child I held on her every word, but as an adult I was too busy to take care of me much less listen to anyone else.

Then, suddenly life created time and I was left with no option but to reflect on the lessons I was raised with and absorb them. I learned a lot while reflecting. Above all, I learned that my Grandma wasn’t wrong, I was.

I lost myself in the hustle and bustle of trying to ‘make it.’

A lot of the people I ‘ran after’ were not there for me when I needed them. At my grandma’s funeral, I didn’t see many of the people I thought had my back. In addition, I didn’t see many of them when I was ill three-years after she died. I was the first to let people live with me when they were down and out. When I was down and out those same people didn’t even call me.

I didn’t know if I was coming or going.

When I got sick, that career I put everything else on hold for – put me on hold. I didn’t get a visit from the office, no flowers or concern – they just kept living weather I was or not. That was very eye opening for me.

Who really mattered WAS there for me and I give thanks to God every day. Who really mattered was also my grandma – and I miss her every day.

Chickens Home to Roost

My grandma was so right.

While I can’t change the past, I have slowed down.

I listen to her words of wisdom now as if she’s still here reminding me to put me first.

I named my company after her YevOne, a middle name we share.

I have worked to live within my authentic self and I am so glad her wisdom now lives with me.

The Real McCoy

My grandma knew the real Jessie like no one else. She saw the way the world distracted me from myself, and how far I was getting pulled away from my authentic inner light. She never gave up on bringing me home to me – and I will forever be grateful for the role she played in my healing in those humble days as a child and every single day after until the day she died. I am her Jessie – finally!

Grandpa and the Mystery Lady

I remember when I lived in Flemo there was an older lady who would stop me every day and say only these words:

“For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses himself?”

Luke 9:25

Then she would stand there, looking at me, smiling, just letting it sink in. After a few moments she would simply walk away.

I often think of her and wonder if she’s still stopping people.

I wondered if my grandpa, who I always felt is my guardian angel, sent her to try and help my grandma get through to me. I always appreciated that lady – it was a lesson I needed in my life, apparently every day!

Team of Angels

Its been a very long time since my grandpa rescued me from foster care as a child, and subsequently died of a heart attack several months later.

Its been a long time since I lived in Flemo and met that lovely lady or heard her scripture.

Its been a long time since my grandma passed though the pain feels as fresh as the dew on the cut grass those mornings so many years ago.

My healing has taken so many years and I am still healing, learning, growing, and improving myself every day.

I know God and my grandparents are still lighting my path to healing, wellness, self-love, self-actualization, and living in my own authentic and higher self. I am committed to bringing to light God’s gifts within me and to manifest his purpose for me here on earth. Their support, love, and presence in my life means the world to me and it’s why I have become the me I am today.

When the Light Turns On

I no longer feel lost.

I don’t get caught up anymore.

I no longer run to put out everyone else’s fires while ignoring my own.

I am very focused on re-building my relationships with ME!

I feel healthier, happier, and on track to serving my purpose on earth.

Gaining the World WITHIN

Today, I danced while listening to music.

I looked out at the beautiful fresh snow and soaked in its beauty.

I worked out.

I sang loud and enjoyed it.

I ate a healthy breakfast.

I took an account of what and who I am grateful for and gave thanks and glory to God.

I wrote this article.

Finally Home

Today, I am more often then not – the Jessie my grandma was trying to connect with!

Years ago, there were times she missed me when I was right infront of her and I never knew why…now I do.

I am finally home; in my mind, body, and spirit.

Now I can be present, and comfortably still within myself.

Now I can be, and am, at home within me.

Are You at Home Within You?

Even though writing this article made me emotional, it is so important that we tap into and maintain connection with our authentic self.

It’s so important that we live from our inner higher light.

By doing this we can live in our own truth, value those who are our most important connections, and fulfill our God-given purpose on this earth.

Making Peace with Yesterday

I took a few years to heal past hurts, understand and mend old wounds, eliminate noise and distraction, and really strip my life down to the studs.

This process allowed me to see the studs, to understand the foundation, and to envision a life that aligns with my higher self.

Without the clutter I was able to forgive anyone and everyone who ever hurt me so that I could release old baggage and step into my own authentic purpose, beauty, and light.

Don’t skip this step, it will stand between you and your higher self if you do.

Becoming My Inner Butterfly

Today, I live my truth on my terms.

I make time for me first – every single day.

I make time for those I love the most – especially my son.

I give thanks to God – every single day. I also thank my grandparents for their contributions to the fabric of my being.

I am dedicated to YevOne – as it’s so clearly my calling.

I am publishing and producing content that makes a positive impact through Platinum Rouge. I am helping indie artist and indie label owners achieve success through Platinum Indie.

As a Real Estate Broker and Consultant, I connect people with the education, information, plan, team and resources that will best help them achieve the success they desire personally and professionally within the industry.

I am having fun with those businesses, and a few other exciting projects, that all allow me to help others while living within my own authentic purpose and truth.

Mindful, Present, and Authentically Me

I am so excited to be re-introduced to me.

Today, when I feel anything pulling me away from myself, I take notice right away and see it as a clear indication that it’s time to breathe, re-align, and recommit to me.

In fact, every single morning is a new opportunity to set my intentions for the day, always starting with putting myself first.

I am sure my grandma is proud of me today and I am excited to grow, and improve, every day so that her and God can smile down on me knowing I am manifesting their gifts in the most beautiful way.

Jessica Tha Goddess XO

Counting Blessings

The pandemic has been devastating in so many ways, but it is also a reminder to return to our mother-ship; our own light within, our divine connection with God, with self, and with our authentic purpose.

It’s such a beautiful opportunity to look inwards and really spring clean in areas your life needs it most, so that you can strengthen your most beautiful gifts.

Kissing Life on the Lips

Once the pandemic is over, it’s a great opportunity to really appreciate the smile of a stranger, the wave of a neighbor, the freedom to sing karaoke, dance in a club, have lunch with your friends, travel and see the world, and to grab life with both hands and kiss it right on the lips.

That’s what I plan to do!

I plan to appreciate the smell of fresh cut grass, the amazing feeling of swimming in a pool, the fantastic vibe of a BBQ with people who I love, and the true bliss of hanging at friends’ and family’s homes.

Heck, I may even dance with a stranger! I will definitely keep dancing with myself.

This is life – and God wants us to LIVE IT.

Be you. You are so absolutely perfect with all your imperfections.

Your purpose is unique.

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